Posted by
Blanca DeBree on Wednesday, October 17, 2007 3:00:09 PM
Dear General Petraeus:
Help!
I'm sure you get that a lot,
after all you are commanding our brilliant fighting forces in the
bestest war ever! Every one of us on the right wish we could be there
in Iraq, fighting side by side with the troops too stupid to get out of
Iraq, cleansing the Middle East for Jesus, but we all had better things
to do.
We need your help. Have you seen the crop of Presidential candidates? To quote that old Oreck geezer, it's disgusting.
I've
never seen a more lackluster group of individuals since, well, the last
time there was a free for all in the Republican field eight years ago.
But thank God at that time most of those voting were delusional and had
no idea Commander Guy was not his daddy. That helped put Junior over
the top and gave us the bestest six years ever.
We all thought
that Fred Thompson was going to save us. It turns out the flaccid dried
up actor is the laziest thing, well, since our current Commander Dude.
I mean how much freakin' work does it take to go out among the crowds,
drive around in your red pickup, pretending you're just like the rest
the dumb slobs who vote for us, because their either too retarded to
read the financials or too apathetic to care? I mean all you have to do
is dig up some old scripts from Law and Order and just make it sound
like their really your words. You're a actor, for God's sake. How much
effort does it take to make it sound sincere?
Then we have the
light-in-the-loafers drag queen. Hizzoner never met a bra he didn't try
on. I mean this guy is gayer than that Backstreet Boy. We really don't
need a dress in the White House. At least Hillary will wear pants once
in a while!
And as for the Mormon, what can I say? It really
takes a lot to get a religion so ridiculous that snake charmers make
fun of it. I mean really, magic underpants? Not to mention his son, the
screaming faggot. We have had enough of all that "leave the queers
alone" attitude from our current Vice Decider, thank you very much.
And
as for the rest, who the hell are these munchkins, anyway? I mean Oompa
Loompas are have more politcal stature than this crop of creeps!
We
have Brownback, who, if his name is not creepy enough, seems to
secretly love abortions. He also was a born again, and now a Catholic.
As a Catholic, I can tell you, you can't trust a Catholic, all that
Pope bull fuand all.
Then there is that one-act Tancredo, who
hates immigrants like we all do on the right, but other than that, I
can't tell you anything about him, other than he looks like a closet
queen. I'm sure he and that Larry Craig dude were tapping feet together
in adjacent stalls on Capitol Hill.
And what about Ron Paul? My
God, that man is a nut! No wiretapping, needing Congress to declare
war, reading the freakin' Constitution. Doesn't he understand that it is
just a "
god damned piece of paper?"
Now I must applaud him for getting all the White Supremacists behind
him, although I usually don't suggest you let them get too close,
dropped soap and all. But this guy hates the funnest war ever! And that
is not only un-American, it makes baby Jesus cry.
So I plead
with you, General, save us from this lot. Announce your candidacy and
sail onto victory in 2008! We all know you love this war. In fact the
only thing you love more than this war is our Commander Guy. In fact, I
think you probably love him a little too much for Don't Ask Don't Tell,
but I won't ask if you don't tell.
Help us General Petraeus, you're our only hope!
Of course, if you turn out to be like that turncoat Sanchez, you can keep you day job and keep you big mouth shut!
Love,
Blanca
P.S.
Can
you send me some more of those pictures you took with your "hidden"
camera in the men's barracks? It's lonely in Blanca's bed, and I could
use some fantasy materials.